a zvava series
Jim woke up and moved his lazy, bulbous-looking cyclops ass out of his bed, and saw that Bob was already up and fucking around. As Jim climbed out his cum-stained bed and walked into the living room he saw Bob wanking it to some trap porn, “what, it’s not gay” exclaimed Bob as Jim walked into the room, “sure” Jim replied as Bob stormed out to ‘water the flower’ which Jim usually thought of as Bob pissing all over the local flora. Jim heard a loud-ass crash coming from the kitchen window to see Bog, their snot dog, lodged half-way through the fucking window. “Looks like it’s time for a walk” sighed Jim as he pulled Bog’s bloody, serrated body out the fucking kitchen window.
Jim tied the leash around Bog’s neck like he imagined tying a noose and threw him out the treehouse. Jim saw some dark fucking clouds in the distance so he knew he had to skedaddle back home quickly, so he set out, dragging Bog’s wretched ass around every last curb and corner in their empty ghost town, and because he did that Zeus the god of thunder himself decided to fuck Jim and Bog in the ass with hail the size of your shaft (about a golf ball) so they leveled up his sneak trait and went home carefully evading the wrath of a fucking god.
During their underground crywank back to the lab, their ctrl key broke and they’re invisibility wore off, luckily they were almost back at the treehouse - but not close enough as a large band, better described as an entire fucking army rushed to block Jim’s and Bog’s mud-filled headasses from entering their shit castle. Each troop of this North Korean level army was Earth-shaped (round, it’s not fucking flat cunt) and red, much like Bob. Except where Bob is as red as a dried up and repeatedly peeled blood clot they were as red as a pissed off tomato. They stood in Jim’s way not nudging a tiny fucking bit until Bog got scared and let out the weakest fucking bark you’ve ever heard, Mia Khalifa’s softest moan would be more intimidating than the poor excuse of a bark Bog let out, but these pussy boi soldiers were spooked enough that they ran away to their dark, lonely man caves.
As Jim used Bog and his leash as a fucking grappling hook to get back on top of the treehouse, he fell asleep like the fat, lazy fuck he is. Jim woke up, he realized something, BOG FUCKING EXPLODED, that is also the reason he woke up. He sobbed like the little pussy boi he is and ran to Bob, “Bog just fucking exploded, I’m dying, you’re dying, we’re all dy-” Jim cried like that cunt that was complaining about Brittany's haters, he was interrupted by Bob who realized he’s full of shit and told him that the world was going to roll him, except he wasn’t being rolled by the world, he’s being rolled by the evil nose, Jim was surprised that his sorry little ass was noticed by the evilest daddy nose of them all, the most furious nose of them all as he is the reason all other daddy noses have been wiped clean off the face of the fucking Earth… Bob explained that Bog didn’t explode, the evil nose tried to suicide bomb him with a shitty robot that couldn’t rival a fucking piece of heated flint thrown at the ground at high velocity. They had to find him and rescue Bog.
Jim and Bob knew something had to be done, so they did that thing. They jumped off the top of the fucking tree house to attempt to end their shit lives so they don’t have to rescue Bog, the latest burden on their lives - but the problem was, they survived. So they got the fuck up and started rolling, with many doubters, but they were riding cleanly not daring to ride dirty. They wanked through tough terrains like your lesbian dad’s hairy dick and your gay mom’s bush. They couldn’t use Bog’s lifeless body as a grass-roots grappling hook to climb this cliff, luckily they couldn’t abuse their child and instead opted for the tastefully placed ladder that was falling the fuck apart. At the top, there was a cave, with period blood emanating out of it - like a creampie inside of a pussy halfway through its menstrual cycle.
Jim and Bob walked in to the moist, dank cave and saw the evil nose himself pumping and shagging North Koreans out his tiny nostrils. Jim realized he can use his sharp, shit-filled ass to squish the evil snot boys, so he leaped like Pepe before he was shot. Bob had the idea he can take a massive shit and block his nostrils, but he could also use his obese, spherical body to block that twat’s nose. They hipped and hopped over budget goombas until they reach the dark lord, the nose… Jim tried to jump up his nose, but wasn’t able, but Bob wasn’t about to take this ass-fucking face down, because he had the smaller schlong than Jim, he was about to receive oral to the highest extent but he held his breath and became a giant fucking balloon because that will be convenient for the plot. Because the nose that is angry for some reason kept spewing prunes he began to expand until he fucking exploded. There’s blood everywhere and organs laid out on the floor, and all the red henchmen were flattened - just like a Japanese woman squishing a small kitten’s head with high heels. Bob and Jim scoured for a certain organ, “that is must where it is be” they both shouted as loudly as fucking possible when they both glanced towards the jiggling, severed stomach. They cautiously rolled over to the dislocated shit bag and observed it’s vibrating, spastic movement much like your mother in bed. Jim shouted, as loudly as possible, in case the parasite in the womb was actually Bog, “GIVE ME BIG SUCC YES YES HA HA THANKS ME TOO LOL HA HA”. Then slowly, the bulge in the pants grew bigger, out the shit-covered sphincter of the diarrhea pizzeria emerged Bog, in his shit and blood glory he exclaimed, “yum”.
“is that all?” inquired Bob even though he knew Bog was an animal and couldn’t fucking talk, Jim picked up on this fact and diagnosed Bob with early onset fuck you. The trio that saw shit that could not be unseen rolled home faster than a virgin recieving head. They were going to watch some weeb shit but then Jim saw a mysterious book that he had never read, he doesn’t read at all in fact… But this book was different! It’s phat stalk wasn’t facing outwards so Jim ripped it out the shelf bringing the entire fucking bookshelf with it. He looked at the cover that said “oh shit atlantis” and shouted his fucking lungs out to tell Bob about this amazing discovery, Bob called his mom gay and walked out, as Jim yote the book back onto the dilapidated ass bookshelf some pages fell onto the fucking floor and Jim saw something.
The pages on the ground were each printed with a shit printer that nearly ran out of fucking ink but they all had small islands on them, but when they conform to that fucking monstrosity at the end of Playdead's Inside it becomes a full island that’s on the globe, Jim knows that because he looked at a globe. Again, Jim shouted his fucking esophagus out till it bled until Bob came and he was disappointed at this dumb shit Jim’s tryna play on him so they made an agreement, rock paper scissors. But Jim won and took the shitty, fuel-inefficient helicopter to the island with Bob. They heard thunder loud as fuck in the distance - because it wasn’t in the distance you dumbshit.
The sky got darker than a man could ever get until the only light that was left was their memory of their skin on White History Month. Zip zap zop that’s a cuck that zip-zap-zopped their rear rotor and left them spiraling into the fucking floor, at this point the only thing you could hear were the screams of Jim and Bob who were about to fucking die. There was a fire in the cockpit :kappa: and they were about to burn the fuck alive until they got zop-zip-zapped in the fucking ass and became unconscious and presumably dead.
As Bob rubbed his crumby eyes like he fapped to hardcore tentacle hentai with a taste of gay trap shit the night before, when he could see out of his sandy fucking eyes he saw that Jim fucking suffocated upside down in the fucking ground. "Holy shit he's fucking dead as fuck holy shit fucking jesus fuck" thought Bob's feeble mind. He slowly rolled over to Jim's thicc ass and contemplated his actions, "no homo" he repeated as he tumbled himself into Jim's soft ass until his head popped up out of the sand. "wus pop" SHOUT JIM asked Bob, he was a little fumed at Jim for blowing up the fucking helicopter and getting them stuck on Fyre fucking Cay.
Jim rolled off into the jungle where he could easily get lost as he most likely won’t know the way out cause he’s a fucking idiot. Bob followed him cause he’s pretty fucking stupid too. Somehow they stumbled into a long-lost civilization’s Aztec pyramid temple of worshiping false deities, as garfield wasn’t inscribed onto the side of this establishment. Then Jim, the smart unit who knew what he was doing 100% yes started examining the shithole trying to find a penetration spot. Bob was busting for a piss after he busted his head open so he looked around for a spot to drench in his urethral tissue, so, he decided to ruin some spot on the fucking ancient ruin where he could've sold Jim's discovery and make millions, but instead he laid his non-existent hand on the side of the structure and a steady stream of steamy yellow liquid sprayed from his jizz nozzle onto the wall and splashing on the floor, watering the local plant life, as he did, he was apparently pissing right on a pressure plate right out of fucking minecraft. As the massive plot device was forcefully pushed into the wall by Bob's massive cock and balls’ unused testicular fluids. At this point Bob was bearly done but he forced his pea pea to squeeze out all the pea he had left, eventually to the point where blood was squirting out his knob, the wall was completely drenched but was indented into the wall enough apparently and so it slid in the direction your penis doesn't and there was a dark-as-a-man™ room hidden inside...
Jim heard the ear raping screeching coming from the door and investigated, but was prepared to die unlike any black guy in a horror movie. Except Jim wasn't black, he was green. After having an entire philosophical debate about death he finally confronted the abyss and said his final words, ”wo”, proceeded by internal screaming and sounds of whimpering. When Jim finally calmed the fuck down he and his gay partner ventured into the room as dark as a couple tortured souls in hell. They stumbled aimlessly through the dark caverns without a purpose until they nearly contemplated suicide for half an hour third time this week. It is Tuesday. They finally found a light after an embarrassingly long time of searching. They had no fucking idea what time it is, what they are looking for, NOTHING. But on the wall they saw chains, spikes, and everything not really that fucking nice because they're in a fucking ancient dungeon. All the old people fought and there was never any peace because monky brians. Next on the wall a dimly lit figure chained to the wall like a fucking boat to the dock. They approached slower than a fucking snail high on bath salts cause they're little bitches who get put into a constant state of fear by a dark skin tone until the “monkey” is gone. They finally squared up to the spooky item like chads, but that glory was cut short how ever when the figure said “who you” and the Bob and Jim exclaimed (loud noises). When they finally calmed the fuck up they examined further, somehow immortal people exist somehow and the ancients fucking tied them up for some fucking sin. The figure asked to be freed and Bob did it after convinced by Jim it was a bad idea. It turned out it was a girl and Bob immediately grew his knob 3 sizes (cm) at the thought of finally getting laid. She introduced herself as Joelina because that is her name very good I came up with it by myself fuck you ThAtS nOt HoW iT wOrKs.